Both East and West - Where Do I Belong?

I circle back to this theme a lot - of belonging, of where our home is, of who we are.

Recently, my son said to me, 'Mummy (still with his British accent), I like it here in the US better than the UK because there are many more different kinds of people.'

I have to admit that it has been an easy enough transition here to the US, and I have been waiting for the penny to drop. Where is the snag (other than the mountains of paperwork to fill in!)? I am told I live in a bubble, but this bubble proves to have expats and locals who are warm and friendly, who immediately made (and continue to make) us feel welcome here. I've been fortunate to have friends who have introduced us to their friends via the internet. There are some uses to the internet besides cute doggy videos!

The UK has been a bit of a difficult journey for me. Fitting in has never been easy there. Was what I had the best it could be? Probably. Yet, it didn't quite feel like home in a way. Maybe I knew in my bones that Brexit was coming. (If only it were that easy).

But then, I unconsciously thought I was European just the other day. (Yes, the E word we won't be able to use soon). What made me think I was European? There must have been some sense of belonging to a greater collective, an identity there that I had acquired over the last 16 years in the UK. I will miss being in Europe if we ever do leave, I'm not sure of the reason. Politicians will have their high brow reasons for not leaving. For me, it's just a sinking feeling of rejection and hurt.

I also see myself as Southeast Asian. The brash, the loud, the uncouth. The kind, the gentle, the welcoming. Don't stand on ceremony. Feed everyone. Welcome them in whatever the time.

So what am I? And where do I belong? A Singaporean Chinese who is European who is trying to figure out America (albeit California, which some people say isn't quite America!). I figure this time round, it's on me. This time, I make my mark.

Can I be both East and West?

In my mind, it shouldn't be the East vs West concept anymore, that there can be an 'in addition to'. We make our own rules. Perhaps with all the mashables around, we can mash them together to produce something unique, new and appealing. An inclusive perspective, that we can be both East and West. Not a division, but an inclusion.

Love from sunny California xoxo

Happy Mothering Sunday to all in the UK! I miss those daffodils!

A Love Letter to George

Dear George,

Favourite time of the year for George!

We miss you very much, our dearest puppy. It was exactly a year ago that you passed on. We have thought about you every single day since you went. We miss you terribly much, the pain in our hearts is excruciating but we are so happy that you are no longer in pain, and we are so happy that we had you in our lives.

We finally moved to California! After all those years of talking about it and moving around in England, you never really thought it would happen. But maybe you did, and you were too tired to do this journey with us. You would like California - we are near beaches and chips! Your two favourite things up in Newcastle! I know since we moved to London, you have hardly seen a beach (not a real one anyway; a beach with pebbles isn't quite a beach ...) and definitely less chips as the chippie isn't on your walking route anymore. But here, we have sandy beaches, many of them all in one stretch! And chips that are nice and crunchy on the outside and oh so fluffy on the inside. And sunshine George! The sunshine! Oh, you would love lying in the sun! I remember how in England you would find even the smallest sliver of sunshine in the cold, damp, wet weather and lie in it, sunning yourself. It was like you were solar powered; I just loved watching you snooze and doze there. Here, there is sunshine all around, and you could lie around in it all day.  We have a bigger house here for you George, and bigger fields not to mention mountains and streams to forge. I know you don't like streams too much having fallen into a lake once and thinking you were going to drowning (we wouldn't have let you darling George, and anyway, it was mostly the shock. You found your feet after!). Daddy and I did laugh so, poor George! I know you didn't think it funny because you wouldn't go near a body of water forever after that. But you would paddle in the sea and you loved how the waves touched your paws, letting them lap gently on your toe-claws! You would love the sea here and you would find it a treat to bark at the huge crashing waves! I wonder what you would have thought of the seals that are here too, the otters and the birds of prey that circle up ahead. It would have been so exciting for you!

I am sure there is sunshine where you are now George, all the time. With a cool floor for you to lie on and your nice comfy bed to sleep in. We still have Sheepsies with us and your blankets that you used to love lying on and colonising, stealing them from us (we always forgave you), waiting for you. We miss you awfully much puppy, and we will see you over the rainbow bridge some day. In the meantime, keep that spot warm for us.

Love, your family.
xoxoxo

My Yoga Teacher is 80 years old ... and all the possibilities life has to offer

I went to Yoga class today and it has been a while since I've been so I chose an easier class - Gentle Yoga  - to get back into it. Can I tell you it wasn't as gentle as it sounds? Can I also tell you my yoga teacher is 80 years old with a metal hip? She looks closer to 65/70 but she mentioned that she is 80. I just love it. I know what I'm going to be when I grow up. I'll be her just coz who would have thought at 80 to be a yoga teacher.

When you are younger, they tell you you are too young for things you want to do, and when you are older, they tell you you are too old to be able to do anything. It's never the right time for anything really if you think about it. Hang gliding one day I think ....

I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. I think my last post was just over a month ago, for Chinese New Year. Since then, settling in in California has brought (more) paperwork, (more) soul searching, (less) thinking and (more) doing, Because food (read: Chinese) isn't as good as London, well some foods anyway, I've been cooking up a storm. I made chilli sauce for the first time, and that was interesting! I don't know if anyone will say it's chilli or good but the husband is eating it! And hopefully some Singapore curry paste whatever that may hold! I am trying to think of endless possibilities rather than the negatives that you can find in every situation.

So, I haven't been on here much and people have asked 'Where's your next post?'. I've also read about how blog posts should mean something, not just be about rambling thoughts, so I thought each blog post I do should have some sort of a meaning or purpose, even if randomness is the point! You don't want me to be going on about how wonderful life is here in NorCal all the time (which it isn't by the way : torrential rains and landslides everywhere. Plus side: Water! We are out of a drought hurray! .... now for the next year ...)

So recently I signed up to DailyOm (don't ask). And if you haven't realised, I do have a penchant for the supernatural and clairvoyance, my lawyer side is so totally in denial. And I signed up to their daily horoscopes. They sent me my first daily horoscope, which truly isn't a horoscope (clever). It talked about the definition of success and how we defined success so I thought I'd share briefly. What's your definition of success? Is it by how much money we earn, or by the relationships we have? We could have tons of the former stuff, but how are we doing with the latter? Sure, we could have legal justice, but what about moral obligations? How are we with our friends and family?

So back to the yoga class. My 80 year old teacher was amazing, I'm definitely going back. I do have an affinity with the elderly. I like them very much, and I love their stories. Oh and my grandma back in Singapore turned 100 today woohoo! She is the jolliest most sanguine woman I know. Forgiving too. And she has had a tough life! That woman has a lot of calm in her! My wonderful neighbour back in London turned 90 last month as well. Her stories of war time in Wimbledon has made me see Wimbledon in a different light.

The elderly or the older folk should I say (elderly sound so droll - like they are different species!) have a lot to offer and their stories are great. I love the stories my grandmas told me about their childhood and what they played with, what kind of life they led. I don't know what it is that attracts me to them but it makes me feel calm and happy when I listen to them talk about their childhood. Their faces light up and their eyes glisten with a kind of faraway look of a different time. Memories maybe, of a bygone era only they know about and understand.

So leaving you with this? How do you measure success? Money? Property? Relationships? What's your pull towards? Is it enough to be surrounded by people you love and have great relationships with or is it about collecting more stuff?

Lots of love from (now) sunny California xoxo