An unrequited love affair (It's not what you think)

Who shall I fly with next?

As a wise person once said, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. For summer this year, I flew back to Singapore to see family. We had just moved to California and I had never flown from the West Coast to South East Asia direct before. I prayed for a good flight. It could, as we all know, go all so badly wrong.

But the flight going out was uneventful (which is all we could want) and I was beginning to think this route wasn't too bad. I even began looking forward to the return flight simply because 1) I hate flying but 2) the flight out was actually enjoyable. It could be fun for once (I have been flying consistently for 20 odd years; it has never been fun). However, during the return flight, Singapore Airlines (SIA), whom we flew with, lost our luggage. When I finally got my luggage returned to me 4 days later, I discovered that a couple of items had been stolen from my luggage - a handbag and a fidgit spinner (of all things!).

Things go missing all the time. What's so special about this time?

This way to long haul flights

When I brought it up with SIA about the missing items in my luggage, I was really surprised and more than a little disappointed with their reaction - which was basically "not my problem". Well, first they took 4 weeks to investigate only to come back to say they had the bags in their sights the whole time (yeah right) and no, it couldn't have been stolen on their watch. (Question: when did they not have my bags? I was under the impression that before the bags were returned to me, it was under their duty of care!)

Well, I am disappointed, to say the least. I understand that mistakes get made and luggages go missing. I even understand that items get stolen. But to be shrugged off just like that made me feel undervalued by an airline which I had been loyal to all these years. Why was I so unnerved? Airlines have a bad rep for this sort of thing. Was there more to it than just lost items?

I don't know about you, but if you travel as much as I do, especially constantly flying home to see family, the airline is your partner. And in a partner, you want understanding, leeway, a bit of give and take (ok, a lot!), sympathy and empathy. It's a personal journey in more ways than one, each and every time. I have been flying consistently for about 20 odd years now, since I went to school in the UK, where I stayed for university, stayed for work and finally stayed for marriage. Previous to that, my parents had always chosen SIA, because they believed in them, found them safe and reliable. I have been a loyal partner and customer through and through. I stayed true when they were just starting up, I stayed true when the chips were down. I even stayed true when I felt they were lacking.

What's different now?

Will I fly away? Will they care?

So much has happened in the last year. We moved to California, to a place literally halfway around the world from my family in Singapore. When they would visit us often in London, California is just that bit too far and that bit too unfamiliar. My return journey to Singapore seemed all that more important or else I was going to lose touch with them.

This year's journey back to Singapore was joyful and painful - a close cousin's 1 year death anniversary, my best friend's son about to start school, a grandmother so old she can hardly recognise me as she sinks into dementia, hanging out with cousins who are like sisters, spending time with my nieces and talking to my brother again, hanging out with a special aunt who is 85 (!), and of course spending days on end at the market and doctors' appointments with parents. I get once a year to experience all these, a kind of fast forward if you will. I feel the passage of time acutely as it takes its toll on family and friends, simply because I am not there on a daily basis to experience each milestone. How many more of these do I have? To top it all off, the item that was taken was a gift from my parents. I loved the bag they gave me - not because it was a bag but because of what it represented, the memory that came with it. It wasn't about the value. It was about the kind words they could have said instead of "we advise our customers not to pack anything valuable in checked in luggage". It was about a gesture of kindness they could have extended. I believed in them so much, I never thought they would lose my luggage, nor did I believe that I would have anything stolen from it while on their watch. And even after all of that, I still believed in them so much that I thought that in my moment of need, they would be sympathetic and kind. And those cost nothing.

Silly me.

So when I needed them most, SIA could not deliver. There wasn't a helping hand or a kind word to acknowledge my pain and frustration. Even BA and Virgin did better in that respect (and if you know me, I am not a fan of BA: think no help with wedding dress!) The lack of sympathy was stark. SIA was professional, they conveyed their apologies, but there was no feeling, no love, no acknowledgement of my loyalty for them. I was but a number in their huge count of customers. I was essentially a nobody.

So there you have it. My unrequited love affair. 30 years to be exact. I felt used and betrayed. I have to once again search for a new partner in this journey of mine. There was a time when I would wax lyrical about them, sing their praises from the highest mountain ("They were different, not like the other airlines" I would say) but now I can no longer, hand on heart, recommend them to anyone. Is it because they lost my bags? No. Things happen. I get it. Rather, it's because they don't seem to care. They don't love me like how I loved them.

Am I too old to start again? Do I have too much vested in this relationship? Were my expectations too high? All these thoughts race through my mind. And the final thought? Silly me. It is, after all, a corporation. A money making one. I am only a customer, a nobody. I thought they were different, but actually, they are all the same. Even my beloved airline. I should expect no less.

Maybe it is time to move on, harden my heart, expect that difficult things will come. Family will get older, people move on. The journey will be uphill no matter who I fly with or where I live. I have to learn to expect that. And relationships do fall apart.

Lots of love
from sunny California xoxo

PS: Just in case you are wondering if a corporation should care, I highly recommend a book called "What would Google do?" by Jeff Jarvis (on sale at Books Inc now). It is exactly on point and the answer is YES, corporations should care, for their customers and bottom line. If they think these are mutually exclusive, well, Dell will say otherwise. Ironically, the crew on board was the best I have ever experienced. The head steward and his team were brilliant, making us feel as comfortable as we could. Kudos to them for taking the initiative and being really, really responsible and great!

Queen Bees and Wannabes - Asian style

Queen Bees and Wannabes was a book I picked up a couple of months ago in California. I read it because I came across a review of that book, which said it was an accurate depiction of our trials and tribulations as females, the dynamics amongst our peers and how we relate to the outside world. I found it described my teen world exactly and my world in the school playground now as well.

D is off to holiday camp this week. We are in Singapore for 5 weeks, which is a pretty long time for a boy to be without structure. So I happily booked him in thinking that it would be a chance for him to get some R&R away from me, have some structure and for me to have some downtime.

What I didn't count on was the Queen Bees and Wannabes following me all the way to Singapore as well.

I see them first thing in the morning, a beauty parade of coiffed and freshly spruced women, all standing there in a row. From head to tow, they scream expensive - from their perfectly styled hair, down to their capri pants and heels. They are neatly turned out, with full on makeup and perfectly manicured nails. They stand literally in a row like a beauty parade as if to show off their expensive jewelry, expensive handbags and perfect makeup and clothing, in the melting heat at 7.30 am in the morning.

It screams expensive and brash to me, poor taste hitting me in the face this early in the morning. But ironically, I am the one being looked at. From the moment I step out of the car, they judge me. I can see their eyes following me - from my clothes to my car. What kind of car do I drive? What kind of bag am I carrying? What clothes am I wearing and how does my hair look? Then they look at D, to judge and see if he is good looking and whether he is pure Chinese or mixed race in order to determine whether my husband is a Chinese or a foreigner. They will judge me for who I marry, and make up tales about what it says about me.

I put on my sunglasses and laugh. It is hysterical that at a summer camp women are also competing. If I can be bothered, I would tell them that their kids are fat and need to lose weight, that they should pay more attention to their children because they cuss and swear like a truck driver and are mean spirited and bullies. And that all the money and expensive things in the world won't make them nice people, or valued members of the human race.

But I keep quiet and pretend that I don't notice their glances. I hurry D along and tell him to ignore them and their children who yell bad things at him, and to kick and stamp back when they kick and stamp on his feet. Bullies seldom like it when you push back and true enough, they back off and stop bothering him.

It makes me laugh that the school playground stayed with us in our 20s and 30s and still stretches into our 40s, 50s and 60s. It makes me laugh that even when we are discriminated against so badly we women can still be mean to each other instead of standing in solidarity and looking out for one another It makes me laugh that it is over such insipid things like looks and material wealth. Maybe one day we will look back and regret our actions. But then, maybe that day will never come.

Queen Bees and wannabes will never go away. Even at 7.30 in the morning in the melting heat of a small island state. But maybe especially in the melting heat of a small island state.